How Bee does Motherhood: Unsolicited Advice
As parents we’ve all been there, standing with kids in tow listening to a stranger telling us what our kids need. I honestly don’t remember a lot of unsolicited advice when I had Jax but this time around… man oh man people are not holding back. Maybe because it looks like I have my hands full with two kids? I honestly couldn’t tell you but what I will tell you is the story that inspired this blogpost.
Super bowl Sunday, we were invited to a party with several people we’ve never met before. Fabian and I were taking turns with Leo while Jax was doing his thing playing with the other kids. I walked into the kitchen while holding Leo and I hear, “looks like someone needs to nurse.” I looked up to find this lady staring at my chest. “Are you breastfeeding? Cause he looks hungry.” Immediately I felt bothered by this. I really wanted to say, “Excuse me, do I know you?”
I know she probably meant well but for a second I felt shame because Leo is not breastfed. I looked up at her, and said proudly, “No, I am not breastfeeding. I just fed him. He’s discovering his hands so that’s why he is chewing them.” Then another woman spoke up and said in a baby voice like she was speaking for Leo, “Oh mama give me some milk.” Once again I said, “He just ate. He’s fine.” Needless to say, I walked out of that situation real quick but it left me feeling like a horrible mama even though I knew I was taking the best care of Leo.
Unsolicited advice and opinions could be a way for someone to start a conversation but honestly, it really leaves me feeling like a bad mom, even though I 100% know that I am not. We can’t stop the opinions of strangers but we can respond gracefully. Here’s what I’ve been doing when I receive a comment from a stranger…
Take a small breath. (this helps me respond with grace rather than telling them to shut up and keep their opinions about my kids to themselves.)
I listen to what they have to say while paying attention to my facial expressions. (rolling of the eyes anybody?)
I respond with the truth. (just like with those women I told them the truth, Leo wasn’t hungry because I just fed him.)
Walk away. (let them say what they need to say, speak your truth, and then vamos outta there!)
It’s not always easy and we won’t always get it right (nor do we need to) but learning to handle moments of unsolicited advice is a good lesson not just for you but for your kids. Because people’s opinions are never going to go away but if in the moment you need to shout, “not your kid!” Just go ahead and do it!
