Gender Prediction + Disappointment [Part 2]

3 years ago I wrote one of my most read + shared blog posts, you can find it HERE. It was something that connected and resonated with a lot of mamas and still gets consistent clicks and sparks conversations in my DMs. As I sit here 38 weeks pregnant feeling contractions from my third pregnancy, I’ve got some more thoughts (gonna keep it real… ) on this topic based on the past 9 months of intentionally choosing to keep the gender of our baby a mystery. Gender prediction + disappointment [Part 2] here we go y’all…

Fabian and I had discussed trying for another baby in early Summer 2021. During that conversation one of us brought up not finding out the gender of the baby if God were to bless us with another one. If I remember correctly, it was Fabian. I think the original thought behind this was, “if this is our last one, let’s just do it differently, this baby isn’t about anyone else anyways.” I also thought, as the one actually carrying the baby, “maybe everyone will keep their predictions and opinions to themselves this time since they won’t know either?”

I WAS WRONG!

As soon as people found out we were expecting again predictions and opinions came flying out. And once we shared that we would be keeping the gender a surprise, we were met with even more predictions + opinions + an overly prophetic moment from my mom as she looked up to the heavens and said, “it’s a little girl… I already know it… thank you, Jesus… I prayed for this.” (Like she knew the ins and outs of my ovulation calendar. I’m still daily forgiving this moment but also, keeping it real because I know so many women have gone through moments like this as well.)

Weekly, I was the one getting the brunt of the comments from everyone. Friends, family members, followers on Instagram, and any stranger that got a glimpse of my growing bump. The majority of comments so freely stating that I was carrying a girl because we already have two boys. (The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Leo, our second son lots of predictions of him being a baby girl). Fabian has tried over and over to understand why I get so upset when someone makes a gender comment or prediction. It’s too easy for him to say, “it’s not even their baby.” TRUE. I’ve tried to explain to him how the comments and predictions just hit differently when you’re the one carrying the baby.

Family members have asked over and over if we know the gender and just aren’t telling them. They’ve promised to keep “the secret” and have begged us to trust them with it. Even at our baby fiesta (which looked similar to a 2-year-old’s birthday party), everyone was reading into the decorations, the color of our strawberry cake, and patiently awaiting a gender reveal that WE NEVER SAID WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

“But what do YOU think you’re having,” is a question that has been asked over and over again by the same people throughout the pregnancy?

“A BABY… WE’RE HAVING A BABY LINDA!”

Just like my last pregnancy, I’ve been protecting my mind from thinking strongly one way or another because I know my baby can feel my emotions and the last thing I would want is to project that I didn’t want this baby because of its gender. If you haven’t read Part 1, I share a bit more about the disappointment that you can feel as the pregnant mama, when everyone around you is predicting a particular gender.

There were several points during this third pregnancy where I found myself raising my voice to get the point across to anyone who was being persistent with their opinion. I never wanted to be rude but it really brought me to a place of frustration at times. “I DO NOT KNOW THE GENDER and I DO NOT CARE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK THE GENDER IS EITHER!” Heaven forbid I slip up and say, “she” or “he” by accident or even ask gender specific questions like, “when did you pierce your daughter’s ears?”

The sonogram experience has been a little different this time around too. To extra protect myself from finding out the gender I choose not to look at the screen while getting the baby’s anatomy checked. I knew what I was looking for and knew that if I got a chance to look I probably would’ve looked. Thankfully the sonographer kept everything hidden each time I got a scan and made sure any photos he printed were of the back of the baby, which is not as cool as seeing the whole baby in a photo.

I need to wrap this up because my mood might be getting the best of me but listen… and hear my heart… I know there is so much excitement and anticipation around this pregnancy. I truly understand that family and friends are coming from a place of love for this baby and our family BUT that being said… when this baby comes out + it wasn’t what YOU predicted or what YOU prayed for… you best watch out for my postpartum hormones and do not let the door hit you on the way out because I will not put up with your opinions or comments about OUR baby.