Family Planning

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"Would you like your tubes tied while we're in here," asked the doctor performing my C-section?

"No thank you, my husband would kill me," I replied!

While my husband and I were dating we talked about our future family and how many kids we wanted. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. We were sitting in the parking lot of a Chili's waiting for friends when we decided we would have 5 kids and no dog. However, if we got a dog, we would have 4 kids. Fun conversations about our future family were sprinkled into date nights and shortly after our engagement those conversations became more serious. As we approached our wedding day Fabian and I needed to decide together our true family plan.

Both of us were virgins and had saved ourselves for each other. I never had a need to look into birth control or any family planning method but with our wedding day approaching I needed a plan. We had talked about birth control together but never really felt a peace about it and didn't think it was for us. We for sure knew we didn't want kids right away so despite not really agreeing on a plan I met with my OB and that same day I started birth control. The Nuva Ring to be more specific. I was fine for a couple months and didn't notice any side effects other than some moodiness. I was mostly concerned about weight gain but for some reason I lost that extra 5lbs right before my wedding. I stayed on the Nuva Ring for 4 months. Still no other true side effects other than moodiness. But this moodiness y'all was like a roller coaster. It had me going up and down emotionally at lightening speed. I was happy one minute and then in the next minute fuming mad giving everyone the silent treatment. My mood was all over my face and everyone could see it.

This moodiness began to affect our marriage and since we were newlyweds learning how to live with one another, cope with two different schedules, and lifestyles, being emotionally unstable did not help at all. We were arguing a lot and ironically our arguments were centered around not agreeing about this decision of birth control. Fabian would tell me, "you need to get off that thing!" I heard his concerns but I didn't want to get pregnant. I started praying hard about the decision I had made and God very clearly told me to stop taking it.

In my fear of getting pregnant before it was time, I choose not to listen to God or my husband and continued the Nuva Ring for another month. And just as you suspected we continued to arguing about it. It was ruining date nights, time with family, and basically our marriage. I remember clear as day the final argument we had and I remember the moment where I thought, "Enough is enough! God knows the timing of our child and I need to obey Him and my husband and remove this medication that is altering what my body is naturally supposed to do." So there I was sitting in our apartment listening to my husband tell me once again, "take that thing out of you!" That Sunday evening, I stopped taking my birth control.

As soon as I obeyed what God and my husband had said, our marriage was peaceful. We were on the same page and my stubbornness and fear of getting pregnant was lifted and we left things in God's hands. Now don't get me wrong we had conversations about protection and we were not careless. We simply were not going to allow ourselves to put fear into our intimacy. There is no fear in love.

I found out I was pregnant only 2 months after stopping my birth control. The moment I got to tell Fabian was one that I should've recorded but will remember forever. His tears of pure joy reassured me that we had made the right decision and that God blessing us for our obedience. Fast forward to now and Jax is about to be one. Our views remain the same when it comes to birth control. Although, I came home from my post-partum OB visit with a handful of brochures and that fear of getting pregnant tried to creep in again. But I knew we were not going to choose a birth control option.

I understand this is a controversial topic and my attitude towards anyone choosing a family planning method is basically this, "you do you boo." I think it's great that we as women have options but those options just aren't for me. It added fear into my marriage and turned me into a skinnier more moody version of myself. I'll keep the extra curves in order to maintain a peace in my marriage and keep fear out of the bedroom.

I want to know your experience with birth control. Did you feel great and find a good family plan for you? Did your mood get altered too? Let's talk about it and support one another!